tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85458262685393334212024-03-13T21:02:22.152-07:00Adventures of A Broken SoulMaximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.comBlogger62125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-14121465826694744892013-07-14T14:30:00.000-07:002013-07-14T14:30:00.993-07:00Love Strikes AgainSometimes things happen when you lease expected it. After my way in which my marriage end and hope I felt my friends betrayed me during that experience. I was more fearful of people, more fearful of having and exposing my feelings to and for anyone. Then came Teacup and love came creeping unexpectingly back in my life again. So I took a chance, felt it would be unfair to blame or hold something Maximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-31289630950341449232011-05-23T14:25:00.000-07:002011-05-23T14:41:22.895-07:00Yaad 2 Yard’s ProgressYaad2Yard is up and running on Facebook and I'm nervous about it. Its like watching your baby take their first step, your mindful of ever movement they make and your primary concern is their safety; or as in my case how well the page will be received and will anyone purchase someone. I find myself more interested in the negative feedback, if any, from people who visit or buy from me. But overall Maximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-11684620477751670872011-05-21T22:45:00.000-07:002011-05-21T22:46:55.070-07:00Music ListeningI’m slowly able to start listening to music again. A few weeks ago I played some classical music for the first time this year and earlier this evening I played some jazz music. Overall playing any kind of music make me sad and I definitely still have a hard listening to any R&B music. No matter where I am and I hear it I try to tone it out but I would always get depress by it. Crazy enough jazz Maximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-5419837163492820752011-05-16T21:55:00.000-07:002011-05-16T21:59:10.322-07:00Learning IsolationMy experience here in Jamaica is coming to an end, hopefully. A lot has happened and a lot has changed. As I sit and reflection on the journey I've made I'm tearful. It wasn't easy and still not easy as I'm writing this. I've gone through some very emotional experiences and to a large part still going through them. Me leaving Jamaica won't be the end of my tears but it will be the beginning of meMaximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-77539286059993026602011-03-21T08:00:00.000-07:002011-03-21T08:40:17.178-07:00First Negril TripYesterday I went to Negril for the first time. The trip to Negril was fun. I actually had a good time with everyone. There were a few moments when I was sad because I missed her even more than normal and I would have love for her to experienced seeing Negril for the first time with me, and times when I was irritated with some of the people there and just wanted to be alone. But overall the trip Maximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-72317479124846042222011-03-13T12:15:00.001-07:002011-03-15T07:24:32.453-07:00Better To Have LovedThe person who coined the phrase, “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all” is full of shit and must not have loved before or as deeply as most. I’m in a lot of emotional pain over her, I can’t sleep, I still cry, my body feel weak and when I do sleep I don’t get any rest. Nothing bring me joy, I’ve lost feelings for most things and several times I wanted to end my life. Maximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-18008300791495812822011-03-03T23:35:00.000-08:002011-03-04T00:01:12.180-08:00Proud MomentThis two images represent a proud moment for me today. I've accomplished something I never dreamed of doing while in Jamaica. I'm amazed at myself for the path I'm on as represented by those images. I'm still not visually or for the most part internally excited but deep down I'm happy I am proud of myself. I still have a long way to go, this is only the beginning but "the journey of a thousand Maximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-9135633666649721602011-02-26T06:45:00.000-08:002011-02-26T07:10:14.984-08:00Jamaica vs USA Soccer MatchYesterday I went to my first football (soccer) match between U.S.A and Jamaica. It was the semi finals in a tournament for boys under 17yrs old. The tournament itself was a big deal but this particular match carried more weight; Jamaica had made it to the semi finals, they were going against the U.S. and on top of that the game was played on Jamaica Day, the day different from the country's Maximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-58089644340005307632011-02-22T07:15:00.000-08:002011-02-27T08:25:41.258-08:00My Rage is GrowingI often find myself sad when I see little kids especially little girls. Sad because I can’t help think about [____] and how much I miss her and want to return to be a part of her life as her father once again. But I know that won’t happen, there’s another man [____] has placed in her life. I turn my head when I see guys with what I presume to be their daughters because I can’t bare the sight. I Maximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-29232913532640918312011-02-20T15:30:00.000-08:002011-02-20T16:17:27.510-08:00Step by StepToday was a relaxed day, it was very beautiful day though I enjoyed it from inside the room. I spent the day sleeping and working on one of the projects I have going on. I'm still amazed at the turn around since I recieve the news that I will be allowed to return home. A few things have began to change, change in ways I wasn't expecting and in ways I never dreamed. Its hard to explain I'm amazed,Maximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-19198896041675944192011-02-16T18:55:00.000-08:002011-02-16T19:00:07.511-08:00My ReturnThe past several days has been a change from the normal routine of the past almost two years. I receive word from the embassy that I’m approved to return to the U.S. In that one moment my life is suddenly changed. No more will I be in limbo, not knowing if I’ll be here permanently or when I can return. Now I know, I know that I can go home soon. I can begin the plan the life I want and plan how IMaximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-51428816723333844082011-02-03T21:00:00.000-08:002011-02-03T21:08:47.958-08:00Illusion of SeparationOne of the biggest deception we tell ourselves and others is we are separate from each other. The world operates on the notion we aren't connected to everything and everyone. I understand and maybe I'm one of the few people on this planet that understand we aren't separate from anything and anyone. We are all connection, those we care about and love that connection is strongest but we are Maximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-22207932083490212192011-02-02T19:25:00.000-08:002011-02-02T19:26:33.854-08:00Changed BehaviorI’ve notice lately my attitude and behavior has or is changing. I don’t look at things the same way I use to, I notice that early last fall but it became more apparent recently. But now I’m seeing that my behavior towards people and the world has also changed, a bit of the person I was last summer is gone. I’m more cynical, more blunt and honest. Whereas I would see the glass as half full, thoughMaximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-37841510027391478062011-02-02T02:50:00.000-08:002011-02-02T03:02:56.454-08:00Birthday WishesTwo days after my birthday I'm still receiving birthday wishes email. For the past three days I've gotten a lot of those email from "my friends." They all say nice things; how they miss and love me, how they haven't forgotten me, things aren't the same without me and how much they look forward to seeing me again soon, blah, blah, blah. I'm sure if anyone else received the amount of emails I Maximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-11701502554964868772011-01-30T04:30:00.000-08:002011-01-30T05:00:04.103-08:00Life...Pain...DeathI’m beginning not to fear death, only fearing the when and what’s on the other side. Given the current position of my life death seem to be the only thing that makes any sense now, it’s the only thing for certain I know will happen. I’ve wanted to die before, I think everyone at some point has said these words, “I wish I was died.” Sometimes life put you in positions and give you challenges whereMaximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-87235628682013334502011-01-25T12:30:00.001-08:002011-01-25T12:45:39.638-08:00Fear of The Outside WorldI find myself more and more afraid to go outside and be around people. It isn't that the location I'm at or going to is more physically dangerous than before but I feel more comfortable than before away from people. Today I went outside for a bit and I didn't feel right or at ease being outside and around anyone (not that I've felt totally at ease in Jamaica), I couldn't wait to return to the Maximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-20678479364935037942011-01-23T19:35:00.000-08:002011-01-24T12:01:58.811-08:00Family Coat of ArmsFor several years I've wanted to create a family coat of arms; something that says and symbolize my family or the family I've created. I like the idea of a family or more specific my family being represented visually. Cities, states, countries and companies alike all have something visual that says this is us, this is what we stand for. That idea has grown more over the past maybe three years, Maximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-45400291766894608842011-01-20T22:50:00.000-08:002011-01-20T23:14:48.787-08:00Struggle 2 SurviveEach day I wake up and wonder why I'm still here, how is it possible that I made it to see another day. I'm struggle minute by minute each day both physically and mentally. I'm struggling to hold on to faith I will return home, to LA, soon and once again see my family. Each day it's a battle to continue believing in life, to find some meaning to my life and to the world. I desperately want to Maximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-27031573463195906542011-01-19T08:30:00.000-08:002011-01-20T02:34:40.993-08:00Someone's RegretThroughout my life with the women that I’ve encountered I’ve wish things were different with them and I. Wish I would have did things differently or not done certain things. But the stories all seem to be the same; I’m the one that misses them, I’m the one that don’t want to live my life without them and I’m the one that regret how things turned out. It’s a torturing feeling, you feel like you’reMaximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-22204902906741403072011-01-18T07:30:00.000-08:002011-01-18T07:37:30.562-08:00Endless SleepI wonder why God allow me to wake up this morning. Why does he want me to see another day, I see no point in me taking up valuable space on this planet or any other planet, using precious air that can go to someone more deserving. There’s no life in me, no energy to want to live. I’m existing in this world, not living. If only I have to strength to remove myself from this world, remove myself andMaximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-15435332288440812412011-01-17T03:00:00.000-08:002011-01-17T03:22:22.876-08:00The Paradox of LoveI’m emotionally out of it. Emotionally I’ve check out. The only emotions I seem to have now is anger and sadness, beyond that I’m numb. Once more I’m having restless nights, having these weird dreams and dreaming constantly about her. My mind, body, heart and soul is in turmoil. Its like being in a barrel while its rolling down the side of a hill, nothing make sense. I can’t even focus on part ofMaximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-60719002974291735702011-01-09T09:05:00.000-08:002011-01-09T09:27:16.861-08:00Sick... Physical?... Emotional?... BothBeing sick is never a happy feeling regardless of what form of sickness it is. Dealing with one form is bad enough but when its both emotional and physical the feeling can't be properly explained. For going on two weeks now I've been under the weather really badly; flu and bacteria like symptons. Physically its has really knocked me off my feet. Before my body took ill there's my other sickness, Maximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-85507837226673395132011-01-07T10:45:00.000-08:002011-01-08T06:31:18.137-08:00Understanding2010 is over, a new year has began. As I look back on 2010 a lot has happen, I’ve grown, I’ve learn, I’m still learning and I’m understanding. So much has happened in ways I’m still trying to understand and make sense of. Going into 2011, I’m broken, damaged, in pain and alone but I’m wiser. I’m beginning to see the world and people a lot differently and I’m becoming more cynical towards people, Maximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-74746847667481274032011-01-06T21:00:00.000-08:002011-01-06T21:14:45.195-08:00Trying Different ThingsSo far the year started the same way it ended; tears and emotional pain. But I'm trying for the new year something I've thought about doing but never really given it much enegry until now. I'm being tight lip about it, doesn't ask me why but I'm not completely ready to share it with those who aren't helping me with the project plus I don't want anyone taking my idea. I'm stepping outside my box aMaximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8545826268539333421.post-52913304216667226292010-11-15T08:15:00.000-08:002010-11-15T08:34:41.174-08:00DelusionSometimes we just have to accept that life isn't all that is cracked up to be. It isn't some Disney movie where everyone lives happily ever after. Sometimes, what am I talking about, often the bad guy win, the jerk get the girl and the prince, well the prince is left sitting on his white horse looking zany. I don't know if I'm becoming cyncial but this shit is for the birds for real. Fittingly Maximus Mufassahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10661309712718005677noreply@blogger.com0