Sunday, February 20, 2011

Step by Step

Today was a relaxed day, it was very beautiful day though I enjoyed it from inside the room. I spent the day sleeping and working on one of the projects I have going on. I'm still amazed at the turn around since I recieve the news that I will be allowed to return home. A few things have began to change, change in ways I wasn't expecting and in ways I never dreamed. Its hard to explain I'm amazed, proud of myself and in a state of shock and disbelief. I'm going into areas I've either never ventured before or never ventured this deeply. I don't know what to make of it or how to explain and seeing that I'm being tight lipped about it, its more difficult to explain without revealing what I'm doing and what's going on.

I'm taking things step by step. I assumed that my readjustment would begin once I return to L.A. but I'm finding out that process has already began. I've changed since I've been here with all that I've gone through. And within the past two weeks more changes have accured. With what has happened since I've been here and what I'm undertaking now my world has litterally turned upside down and I'm force to adjust whether I want to or not. But these changes that has happened within the past two weekend and one that happened last November is the kind of change I'm proud of and look forward to see the fruits of my labor. Soon, I hope to add certain titles to my name. Titles that I've either only dreamed about or never thought in my wildest dream would happen.

I'm taking things step by step like I said, well I've always been like that since I've been here. There are those who are extremely happy hearing the news of my return. Those who want things to return to the way they were or return to the way THEY want them to, THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! I still haven't jumped for joy of the news. My heart was racing when the lady told me over the phone I was approved to return and I've extremely grateful and happy on the inside but it still hasn't sunk in and visually I haven't been able to express that joy. Maybe with all that I've gone through I've become numb to the feeling of joy and excitement. I understand the magnitude of the news and what it mean but it hasn't fully hit me as yet that soon I will be heading home. Perhaps because my return is still a ways away or maybe its because of the kind of L.A. I will return to that is without the one I love, the family I want to return to or the friends I thought I had. I'm not sure what the reason is but there are those who know of my return who is more excited than I am at the moment.

But today was a beautiful day the kind of day combined with the weather, it being quite and calm and me being relaxed, that I haven't had in an extremely long time.

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