Sunday, July 14, 2013

Love Strikes Again

Sometimes things happen when you lease expected it. After my way in which my marriage end and hope I felt my friends betrayed me during that experience. I was more fearful of people, more fearful of having and exposing my feelings to and for anyone. Then came Teacup and love came creeping unexpectingly back in my life again. So I took a chance, felt it would be unfair to blame or hold something against something that they had no knowledge of or did. I opened my heart up again and let things flow naturally. Now six months later, I'm in extreme pain, face with another broken heart. I'm once again being punished by love, my only crime being that I fell in love. This pain that I'm feeling is so unbearable I've become at times numb to it. Often I have to fight back tears, fight back the anger and rage I feel about the situation. My heart literally feel like its in pain and there's nothing I can do about it. I love someone so much that it hurt and destroying me form within. How do I move on from this when all I feel is pain, how can I see the good in anyone anymore after all I've gone through these few years with love.

I'm so tired of being hurt, loving people. How do I not be angry at the world, myself, love, women. I love Teacup so much and all I wanted to do was be happy. I've decided that I can't do this anymore, the depth of pain I feel is beyond measurable. I've completely isolated myself as best I can. I'm in a state of constant depression hiding behind a fake smile. Everytime I love, no matter what I do differently I'm the one who end up hurt, alone, in love, in tears, depress, etc. I'm a shell of the man I use to be, I'm in such a dark place no light can reach me. All because I love someone. I can't do this anymore, she's the last one. My heart goes with her because I need it no more. No more love, relationship, trust, faith in something that hurt so much. I've tried but always fail, so I won't try anymore. She's the last person I'm going to love, the last person I'm going to give myself to. The last person that will cause me such pain. She's the last person I will allow me to get this close to me. I can't continue to put my heart through this. I've loved for the last time, cried for the last time, feel for the last time. Love has damaged me for the last time.