First Negril Trip

Yesterday I went to Negril for the first time. The trip to Negril was fun. I actually had a good time with everyone. There were a few moments when I was sad because I missed her even more than normal and I would have love for her to experienced seeing Negril for the first time with me, and times when I was irritated with some of the people there and just wanted to be alone. But overall the trip was fun. Negril is a bit different from the other beaches I’ve been to in Jamaica yet similar to beaches in L.A. There’s not division of the beach, nothing is dividing property lines or off limits. It reminded me of going to Venice beach then going to Santa Monica Pier or going the other way to Redondo Beach of other beaches. I like and prefer that type of beach than what is typical of most beaches in Jamaica. And the water is shallow and it extend for about 70-80 meters into the water. Non swimmers could be our very far into the water and still could comfortable touch the ground. The view was typical of the natural landscape and curvature of the island. I didn’t know what to expect going there for the first time and through once I was there I was surprise there wasn’t more to Negirl given how its very popular both on and off the island but it was still a memory and experience I won’t forget. Even on the drive to Negril which took about 45mins from Montego Bay was a great experience. I saw famous hotels, landmarks, great scenario and learned a bit more about Jamaica’s history. As my stay here is coming to an end Negril was a place I wanted to visit before I leave and I’m glad I did. I was the only place I wanted to visit before leaving that I hadn’t until now.

Below are some of the photos from that trip, click on photo to enlarge.

Better To Have Loved

The person who coined the phrase, “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all” is full of shit and must not have loved before or as deeply as most. I’m in a lot of emotional pain over her, I can’t sleep, I still cry, my body feel weak and when I do sleep I don’t get any rest. Nothing bring me joy, I’ve lost feelings for most things and several times I wanted to end my life. How is it better that I experience all these things than to not have at all? I’m an emotional wreck, all I do is think about her and those thoughts bring tears to my eyes and more pain to my heart. I would have been better off not to have loved her, I wouldn’t be in so much pain right now. I wouldn’t be here wishing for her love, wishing we were together. I feel like a fucking foul, in love with someone who doesn’t love me. Thinking about someone who is hugged up with someone as happy as can be. Instead of me being over the moon with joy about returning to LA soon my heart is broken over her. I’m suppose to be happy right now but I can’t. My heart can’t experience joy and sadness at the same time and all I feel right now is pain, pain and more pain. I’m deeply in love with her and that love is causing me a great deal of pain but base on that statement its what best for me. The more I love the more I realize how painful love is and the more I hate and is afraid of that feeling. I’m hurt and I’m in love…

Proud Moment

This two images represent a proud moment for me today. I've accomplished something I never dreamed of doing while in Jamaica. I'm amazed at myself for the path I'm on as represented by those images. I'm still not visually or for the most part internally excited but deep down I'm happy I am proud of myself. I still have a long way to go, this is only the beginning but "the journey of a thousand miles begin with one step" and this mark my first step. I've gone through a lot in life, I've gone through a lot these past two years and I'm still going through a lot emotionally but despite the pain I'm feeling I'm still trying to find ways to help myself accomplish certain goals. The road behind me wasn't easy and the road ahead won't be either but I'm walking step by step. I have little emotions to show but trust me when I say if I could smile I'll have one from ear to ear. Good job Raheem, I'm proud of you.