There's a little boy I see everyday, he rarely smile and hardly play with the other kids in the neighborhood. There's probably one other boy that he associate himself with. This little boy seems to have something wrong with him, nothing physical but something internal. I've tried to be friend the boy but he never seems to want to get close to me or allow me to get close to him nor does he get close to anyone. With each day, I see him, I can tell there's something wrong with this child; something that he's not telling or allowing anyone to figure out. I feel helpless to do anything for him, I want to be there for him and help him through whatever it is that troubling him but there’s a glass wall between us.
Each time I look into that child's brown eyes I see pain, I see a deep rooted pain that somehow has a hold on this child and won't let him go. It puzzles me trying to understand what has caused this child such pain. Pain that he's isolated himself from everyone; who could have hurt this child so much that he wishes not to be around anyone, choose not to smile, laugh or take part in child like activities. I'm powerless to do anything for this child thus it cause me great pain. I feel like a father powerless to help his dieing son, each day I see this boy I try to reach out to him, each day he is reluctant to even want me close yet I see apart of him that is crying out for someone to hold him, someone to love and protect him.
Each day I see this little boy and internally I cry I want to hold this child; I want to love this child. I want to show this child that I'm not here to hurt him and he can trust me. But each day I fail in my attempts and I watch this child at such a young age go through the world all alone in pain and there's nothing I can do to change that.
I wrote that several years ago. Every morning I look in the mirror I can still see that little boy hurting and there's nothing I can do to stop his pain. Now that little boy is in even more pain and again I'm powerless to comfort him or do anything to help him.