Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Maybe I Should Drink
I’m starting to think maybe I should start drinking. I need something to take the pain and hurt away, since there’s no activity for me to get into, nothing for me to do but sit here maybe I should drink. I need something to take my thoughts and tears away, something to drown my sorrows in. As much as I strongly dislike the taste and smell of liquor it maybe the one thing that will get me through this difficult time. I want to get drunk and pass out, wake up and not remember shit, don’t want the hammering headache, I just want to escape this shit for awhile. I’m in so much pain and there’s nothing to ease it, nothing to help me through this. Yeah I write, I read blogs from people who has or is experiencing what I’m going through and read how they dealt with the situation. But this shit is killing me, I’m tired of being strong, tired of dealing with his day by day. I want it to be over, I don’t want to feel anymore. I want to be weak and give into alcoholism so that I don’t have to deal with it. I’ve never been drunk, never been high, the few times I’ve tasted alcohol I never like it. I think I may have to change that, I just want the hurt and all my emotions to go away for awhile. Whether I talk to her or not the pain is there, I don’t want it to be. I can’t be strong by myself anymore, I can’t be the strong anymore. I’m in so much pain I just want it to stop. Please God take the pain away or just take my life and get it over with. I wake up and I cry, throughout the day I cry. I’m in so much pain I feel like I’m numb, I don’t smile, there’s a blank look constantly on my face. I emotionally weak which in turn has made me physically weak, I’m lost, scared, angry, frustrated, confused and I want it to stop. I can’t do this shit anymore, I want it to stop. I need something to take this pain away even if its for a little while.