Thursday, February 3, 2011
Illusion of Separation
One of the biggest deception we tell ourselves and others is we are separate from each other. The world operates on the notion we aren't connected to everything and everyone. I understand and maybe I'm one of the few people on this planet that understand we aren't separate from anything and anyone. We are all connection, those we care about and love that connection is strongest but we are connected none the less to the world. But when you're the only one that understand and realize that connection it can become a very painful experience. I'm in tremendous pain right now because I'm separated from the greatest connection I've ever experience. I'm in tremendous pain right now because I'm the only one that see that connection, I'm the only one where that connection is strong. I'm connected to someone who doesn't want to be connected to me. I'm connected to a family; sister, mother, wife, and daughter that I can't reunite with and its painful so painful my physical being can't endure the physical distance well as the emotional one. We are all connected some stronger than others but we are all connected. For the first time in my life I've never felt such a strong connection with anyone and for the first time in my life I've never wanted to break that connection like I want to now. My connection to this world, my connection to certain individuals is too painful. We were created too perfectly for us to fully handle and I'm here to say I can't handle this connection. I don't want to be connected anymore. I want to be like everyone and believe we are separate from each other. I don't want to be the wiser who know, understand and feel this connection. I cry day and night because I'm so connected, I'm crying now because all I want to do is return to be next to my connections next to the one and the ones I love. I would do anything just to have the one I feel the most connected to feel the same about me. For the first time I'm trying to break that connection with this world, with everyone in it simply because its too painful. I don't want to be in pain anymore, I don't want to be the one crying and feeling empty, alone, scared and sad. I don't want to feel anything for anyone anymore. I want to detach and unplug from everything, let me be like everyone and believe that we are separate so that I no longer will be in pain. Or better yet, take my heart away so there's no emotions for anything. I want to be detach, please break this connection, my heart can't take it anymore.