Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Changed Behavior

I’ve notice lately my attitude and behavior has or is changing. I don’t look at things the same way I use to, I notice that early last fall but it became more apparent recently. But now I’m seeing that my behavior towards people and the world has also changed, a bit of the person I was last summer is gone. I’m more cynical, more blunt and honest. Whereas I would see the glass as half full, though in reality its completely full with whatever liquid that’s in it and air, I now see the glass and is; just the glass, yeah I know its hard to grasp. I’m losing a part of my sympathy towards people and life. I’m grumpier now, I don’t care about certain things as much as I use to. I feel like what little compassion I had for people in general I’m losing it and that compassion is now only focus on certain individual that I care about. I’ve even though about dropping the quote I try to mold my life by, “Together Everyone Achieve More.” There’s a growing part of me that is starting not to believe that or at least starting to believe that quote doesn’t hold true for everyone and everything. Its weird because I feel like I’m a cynic, a realist, and a pessimist wrap in one. Simply put its like I don’t give a fuck anymore about the world just want to return home. I haven’t even replied to the birthday email I receive and I don’t think I’m going to reply to any of them, why should I? I honestly don’t believe their words are sincere and if they are who care, their words won’t change anything or how I’m feeling. I no longer want to be the change I wish to see in this world (another quote I live my life off). It is too painful and in the end I’m the one that end up with tears and alone. So “FUCK THE WORLD!” Whether or not the change in my attitude and behavior is a good or bad thing I don’t care, it is what it is.

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