Sunday, March 13, 2011

Better To Have Loved

The person who coined the phrase, “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all” is full of shit and must not have loved before or as deeply as most. I’m in a lot of emotional pain over her, I can’t sleep, I still cry, my body feel weak and when I do sleep I don’t get any rest. Nothing bring me joy, I’ve lost feelings for most things and several times I wanted to end my life. How is it better that I experience all these things than to not have at all? I’m an emotional wreck, all I do is think about her and those thoughts bring tears to my eyes and more pain to my heart. I would have been better off not to have loved her, I wouldn’t be in so much pain right now. I wouldn’t be here wishing for her love, wishing we were together. I feel like a fucking foul, in love with someone who doesn’t love me. Thinking about someone who is hugged up with someone as happy as can be. Instead of me being over the moon with joy about returning to LA soon my heart is broken over her. I’m suppose to be happy right now but I can’t. My heart can’t experience joy and sadness at the same time and all I feel right now is pain, pain and more pain. I’m deeply in love with her and that love is causing me a great deal of pain but base on that statement its what best for me. The more I love the more I realize how painful love is and the more I hate and is afraid of that feeling. I’m hurt and I’m in love…

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