Sunday, June 27, 2010

I'm Out Of Control

I don’t know what to do, I feel out of control. I’m feeling lost and confused. I’m in a place both physically, spiritually, and emotionally that I’ve never been before, its unfamiliar and scary. I’m at my breaking point and I don’t know what to do or where to turn or who to turn to. I know I’m not losing my mind but it feel like I have no control over my thoughts anymore, my brain thinks what it want to think and there’s nothing I can do about it. The moment and time I’m in is really testing my will and strength, I’m so broken, so weak, so alone, all I would to do is sleep or drown my sorrows away with something, anything that would give me a moment of escape. I can honestly say I’m at a point now where I’m lost in mind, heart and life. I still have the goals I want to achieve but I don’t know how I’m going to reach them. I’m at a cliff and on the other side of another cliff are my goals, future, life but there’s no bridge, no path to get me from where I am to the other side so I can achieve all that I want; its just a huge gap between me and the future and it scares me. I feel powerless and have no control anymore, only pain, hurt and frustration. Its like my chain links are weaken and is about to break, no longer do I feel strong like I can do anything achieve any goal and be the great person I once thought I would be before all of this happened. I’ve lost control over myself or at least I feel that way and its scaring the shit out of me.

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