Updates

The most important update would be that as I type my sister is graduating. I’m both proud and sad, she’s growing up and for this special moment I’m not there. My mom says its okay, its understandable given that I’m in another country and its only junior high but I feel a level of responsibility of always being there for my little sister no matter what. To show her my love and support and to let her know that no matter what she does in life I’m going to be there to support her. But I’m proud of her just the same, my little sister is growing up. Going to be in high school in a few months, how the time flies. I love her so much.

As for me the past week has been emotional but things seem to slowly improve, today mark ten days straight that I’ve been crying but I’m not crying as often and not for a lengthy period of time like a few days ago. So emotional, slowly its finally sinking what the reality is and that there’s nothing I can do about it, at least not while being stuck here. Ten days of tears, WOW… I’m not sleeping constantly sleeping as much. I suspect that though I’m far from okay emotional I’m not drowning myself in sleep to escape what’s going on and what I’m feeling. I still wish I could sleep even more then when I was at that point just to escape period. The sad reality is if its not the emotional depression with what’s going on with her that bring me down its also the fact that I’m still stuck here not knowing when I’ll return. I’m dealing with two emotional situations at the same time alone.

I still haven’t ate anything only drank so today make it a week I’ve gone without food. I still don’t have an appetite and I don’t drink that much either. I haven’t shaved or cut my hair in a month and some days now, also don’t feel like grooming myself… Again, feeling like what’s the point. I think that’s what is driving me to change a lot of what I’ve normally do and its feeling like there’s no more point to it now that she has no more feelings for me. My life is even more upside down, certain things I no longer feel the point in doing anymore. Being here and going through what I’m going through with her completely shake my world up. I have to do the difficult task of trying to handle it day by day. Certain things about me is changing and though I’m not sure if they are for a positive change I’m not going to stop it just going to deal with it as it come.