Sunday, July 4, 2010

29yr Old Habit Broken

In the mist of what’s going on I’ve been able to break a 29yr old habit. Actually I feel its because of what’s going on that I’ve been able to break it. It's an embarrasing habit, at least for me so I'm not going to mention what it is, but its something I thought I probably never be able to do I’ve stopped. I’ve been ashamed for so long but no I can say with confidence that I’ve broken that habit. For so long it has provided me comfort and relaxation but not anymore. Not that it no longer provide those things for me but I feel I no longer need to do it to be comfortable or relax. I’m a bit surprise that I cut the habit just like that. I remember saying to myself that what’s the point anymore, what’s the point in doing anything now that she doesn’t love me anymore and told myself I wasn’t going to do it anymore. I figured I’ll go a few hours, maybe a day or two. If I went two weeks without doing it, the habit should be broken. After a week of not doing it I figured I might as well push for the two weeks and sure enough, two weeks later I still hadn’t done it. For those two weeks I got the urge but I catch myself and said no, I’m not going to do it. Slowly those urges went away. In a weird way its all thanks to the shit I’m going through right now. I’m extremely proud of myself and to be honest I don’t miss it like I thought I would. For so long it had a bit of hold on me like I had to do it but now I don’t see how something that had such a hold for some long I’ve been able to stop just like that and not miss it. Either way, like I said I’m proud of myself for doing it and doing it on my own.

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